Lillian's Laws for Living Life

Today would've been my mother's 82nd birthday, and it's gray and dreary here. An appropriate backdrop for my reflective mood. The best way I can think of to honor her memory is to republish her collected wisdom; she and I worked on this short piece a few months before her death. Actually, I take it back, that's the second-best way. The best way was to use some of our inheritance from her to complete the work she was unable to complete herself, and we set up an endowed scholarship in her name; more on that another time.

Lillian's Laws for Living Life

You can be anything you want to be, if you're willing to work hard enough. No one else has the right to define you, your hopes, dreams, priorities, and goals. Never accept limitations or labels put on you by anyone.

You control your environment. You have the privilege and responsibility for making it what you want to live in -- both your physical environment and the types of people you surround yourself with. If you abdicate that responsibility, you deserve to live in what you get.

When you've really arrived, you don't have to shout about it. Understatement is often the most elegant way to call attention to something (or yourself).

Concentrate on getting an "A" for effort, and the rest will take care of itself. Doing your best is more important than being the best.

Keep your promises, no matter what. If you're not certain you can keep it, don't make it!

Always tell the truth. Not only is it ethically correct, it's easier to remember than a lie.

Moderation is always the wiser course. There is no black or white, just shades of gray.

Education is the most valuable thing you can acquire. The truly wise person knows how much there is still to learn, and is willing to take lessons from everyone and everything in the world.

All of your most valuable possessions are intangible. Your skills, your friends, your health are more important than "stuff" you accumulate because it is useful, or beautiful, or amusing, or reminds you of someone special.

Never let anyone pressure you for an immediate answer. Any important decision is worth sleeping on. A good deal can stand scrutiny and will still look good in the morning.

Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the consequences.

Buck the trend -- do what makes sense for you, no matter what "they" may think.

Stand up for your rights; no one else will do it for you.

Keep things in perspective and pick your battles. Identify what's really important, and fight as hard as you can for that; be ready to give in on anything else.

Contemplating the nature of God is a procrastination technique--the world becomes a better place only through your positive action. Even if you don't know what God is, you know what good works are. You should be out there making a difference!

Tolerance is one of the most beautiful words in the English language.

Don't burn your bridges -- keep as many options open as possible, as long as possible.

Saying "thank you" is a great investment. So inexpensive, and you never know when a kind word to someone else will give you a delightful payback.

I'm jazzed!

Got an email complimenting my writing for my newspaper blog Life Afloat. Unlike efriends like Krissie (Australia) and Moni (Netherlands), who received an excited email from me telling them my blog was being published, this guy is my first international (Canada) reader who found me on his own. I didn't send the link to him. Kewel!

It came in as an email in my inbox with the vague subject of "good day" from a sender whose name I didn't recognize and my first thought was, ugh, my spam filter's getting sloppy, I'm guessing this is an ad for Viagra or a request to help move some Nigerian bank money ... almost deleted it without reading. So glad I didn't! Brightened my whole day.

Well, that and the fact that I have 6 days off. Monday is a holiday anyway (MLK Day). For the inauguration, they close all Federal offices in the Washington area - no one would be able to get in to work anyway. It's going to be cold so I'm not going to try to brave the crowds. I'm going to try to find a 'viewing party' somewhere near here to watch the events on tv and celebrate.

An Awkward Re-gifting Situation

(This is the sort of thing where I miss the input from the GWF board. Sigh. FIE on Vista!)

A friend gave us a bottle of wine for Xmas in one of those gift bags; it had obviously been regifted. At least, the bag had, it still had the original tag on it (oops). We think there's nothing wrong with reusing the bag, it's better for the environment that way. Our problem is that snugged into the (reused) tissue paper surrounding the bottle was a gold pin, still in its original package. I'm having a hard time figuring out if it was intended for me. Not really my 'style' hence not picked out with me in mind, but our friend is not from the US and this pin is very much in the style of his native country.

So, if it was truly intended for me, I'd like to accept it with grace. OTOH, if it was an oversight, sooner or later the original gifter will ask our friend how his wife M. liked the pin. Yikes!

I think I have to bust him on the regifting to make sure?? Normally, I'd invite him over to share the excellent wine with us, and broach the awkward conversation, but, making it doubly difficult, there's a language barrier! The only thing I can think of right now is to enlist the help of his daughter as a translater via email (she's in school out-of-state). I hate to spread the potential embarassment but don't know how else to make sure I'm not hijacking a (possibly pricey) gift meant for someone else.

A Very Pleasant Business Meeting

Friday was Dan's BD, and we had plans to meet friends for dinner, but first, a business meeting with our financial planner was scheduled for the AM. He walked us through the financial plan booklet he'd prepared for us and as he was talking about page 3 he said, "I think you'll be happy to see the numbers on page 4." <*insert drum roll here*> We're on track and if we retire at the end of August and then after a few lean months, by the following January 2010 we should expect our monthly income to be almost exactly what we're living on now. It was clear that he had almost as much fun saying this as we had hearing it ... especially as right now in the U.S. he's worked with a lot of people whose investments have done so badly that they've had to put off retirement for YEARS.

Our new friends J. and A. met us for dinner at a local bar/restaurant that's popular with sailors. They had just closed the deal on a new boat and they were full of news. We talked excitedly and had dinner, and as we got up to leave we noticed that we were the last ones there. We got home and I was stunned to learn it was 11 PM. We had spent 4 hours at that restaurant table! I sent an email to J. and A. that said OMG I can't believe we talked about boats nonstop for 4 hours and never noticed the time passing! They sent back an email saying they'd noticed the same thing. Sounds like this particular friendship is off to a roaring start!

New Year's Eve / Old Year's Night

The wind is shrieking and every time a gust hits the boat heels enough that things slide off the counters ... and that's tied up in the slip! Annapolis has a great fireworks display that we can see from the cockpit, but I doubt the weather will allow them to hold it tonight. Darn! It's our 25th anniversary and we joke that much of the world throws parties and gets the day off work just for us.

Whether its the wind or the prospect of a day off tomorrow, or my state of mind, I'm having a tough time focusing on work today. Instead I've been checking friends' blogs, surfing the 'net for fish-and-tropical-fruit recipes for tonight, and doing administrative/organizational tasks rather than the one 2008 review that's still on my list. What can I say? I hate arbitrary deadlines, and comments on this one document are due at close of business today. WTF? do I really think that someone is going to read them before Monday?

I don't do "New Years Resolutions" per se - at least, not the traditional kind like I will floss my teeth every night, I will be nicer to my BIL, I will eat right, I will go to the gym more, etc. I do, however, identify things I want to focus on during the year. This year I have 3:

• Health: I'm still wrapping my mind around knowing that I have to do my physical therapy exercises at least a couple of times a week for the rest of my life, assuming I want to be able to walk, and "I'm too busy" isn't an option. Now, it seems to me that someone who spends 4-6 hours per week in the gym ought to boast being buff and golden, but for me that's just what it's gonna take to get to the starting line. Oh, well, that's my reality, I have to deal.


• Getting our finances organized, and on autopilot as much as possible: We missed a couple of payments this year just because we forgot, or the bills went to the wrong place, not because we didn't have the cash. So my goal is to put things on autopay, set up tickler files for things we need to anticipate (taxes!), do as much as I can by email, and generally get this in shape while we're still living at a fixed address, because it will certainly be more difficult while we're traveling next year! I've already gotten a head start on this one - earlier this afternoon I set up a "monthly payment account" with our insurance agent to address all our insurance policies in one place (3 cars with bills twice a year, 3 rental properties with bills once a year, our personal liability, etc etc). She said, no wonder you sometimes miss payments, you must be getting one or another bill from us every month!


• Career: Wrapping it up, completing my "Science Impact" (science in public decisionmaking) project, and generally figuring out who I want to be in the second 1/2 of my life.

Oh, yeah, #4 - sharpen and practice my emailing and blogging skills, 'cuz that's the only way I'll be keeping in touch with friends after next autumn!!

Dreaming of a Small Christmas

This great image came from Krissie in Australia, but it seems quite appropriate to the US this year. Krissie’s words remind me of my mom, whose idea of decoration was a pot of branches and red berries by the door, tied with a red bow and spotlighted. She loved that her neighborhood in New York’s Upper East Side was decorated with just tiny white lights everywhere, some garland and red bows. No tinsel, no glitter, no animated lights or inflatable Santas. She taught us that understatement can be dramatic and elegant. Not to mention saving money and time and cleanup on over-the-top decorations!

Okay, yeah, I’ll admit it. I do like the sparkle and glitter of the holiday, in small doses. One of my favorite memories was a gift my grandmother gave me – my very own tree. It was a small, maybe 2-foot, silver artificial tree with pink and silver glass balls. It was the only thing in my life that I can ever remember liking that was pink. I spent hours decorating that tree, putting the balls on, then taking them off to do it again. But I was like, 6 years old, okay? She was a salesperson at a local department store and I actually think the tree was one of their decos that they gave away to employees.

The other cool thing that my mom did, was no Dec 25th madness. We kids each got one gift to show our friends. Then, she combined thrift with an opportunity to teach us kids about delayed gratification, we went for a shopping spree all day Dec 26th, including lunch out. She showed us how we could get more toys for the same budget if we waited for sales, and avoided the frantic shopping scene in favor of creating a new personal tradition for our family.

But the whole US economic downturn/consumer culture’s got me thinking. I read on one blog that the author was cutting back this year, partly in response to tight finances, but also using the crisis as an opportunity to recalibrate and scale back their family’s overspending. She said she was working to teach her kids the difference between a want and a need. This author actually got a comment that she was being unpatriotic, that she owed it to our society to spend all you could to stimulate us out of our economic crisis!!!

It feels awfully, awfully like being on a treadmill. Our economy is some 70% consumer driven, what does that mean? Can it really mean that most of what we make is something we don't really need and can live without? Can it really be that the only way we can make jobs is to give in to manufacturers encouraging us to buy more than we need or can afford?

But if we don’t shop, they tell us, there will be layoffs. Toymakers and auto workers and department store clerks will lose their jobs. Gee, what if instead of laying some peole off and others keeping 100% of their jobs, what if we all work a few less hours, earn a little less money, buy fewer wants but still all our needs, and spend the newly gained time thinking, or socializing, or creating, or appreciating? That might be the biggest “small Christmas” ever.

Last Times

I went to my office Xmas party and something was different. Same white and gold tree in the corner as last year. Same music as last year; a bass played by our elegant big boss, a piano and a guitar played by some guys I didn't know, kazoo (!) played by the cheerful guy who'd survived a heart attack a couple of years ago, vocals by two women from personnel. Same arrangement of tables as last year with the same foods (2 for appetizers, 1 for desserts, 1 for drinks). Same-same...except. Except that this office party, with Dan's office party tomorrow, will be my last office Xmas parties - ever. Next year at this time I'd be retired, living on the boat, presumably anchored off some sandy beach.

I looked around the auditorium in which the party was held and realized that I knew few of the people, and most of those I did know were senior too. I felt uninspired to meet new people, and certainly uninspired to schmooze. I gave my door prize ticket to the woman sitting next to me (what would I do if I won? If I wasn't working here any more, what good would a logo coffee mug or shirt do me?), and left early.

Everything I do this season has the unusual clarity of something I'm about to lose, and want to sear into memory. The annual Thanksgiving dinner at Karen and Howard's in Philly, Melissa's gift swap in Alexandria, Parade of Lighted Boats in Annapolis that always falls on the same evening as my cousins Rob & Amanda's holiday open house ... this year is the last time for all of it.

Back in my office, I grabbed a textbook off my shelf to back up a comment I wanted to make on a document I was reviewing...and the last time for that, too is coming soon...and the textbook almost opened itself to where I wanted. This time I noticed that the pages were yellowing and the copyright was 30 years ago. I remember buying that book when it, and my career, were brand new. I don't want to be one of those people doing the retirement countdown because I believe in this job. I have one last thing I want to do, and that's revise my report on barriers and opportunities on getting science into public decisionmaking. I'm tired of driving the Beltway, and my eyes will glaze over if I have to read the plans for one more road or bridge. And yet, I need something bigger than myself to be involved in, some reason to get up in the morning. If my life is just about pleasing myself, lounging on the beach, who would notice if I was gone? My friend Cathy once explained why they came back from cruising, "You can only play so many games of tennis or golf before it gets boring." Exciting, and scary at the same time. Next year at this time ... who will I be, when I no longer hand out business cards that identify me as "Senior Environmental Scientist?"