Bright and Early

So. The alarm clock went beep beep beep and it seemed very dark, but it was also raining very hard. Dan got out of bed and got the thermos of coffee he'd made the night before (as always on a work day) and poured a cup while we discussed our plans for the day. Part way through the second cup we heard the ships clock strike (again, as always). But something was off. Instead of 2 chimes (5 A.M.) we heard 5 chimes. Eh? Sometimes the ships clock is off if it needs winding, but that wasn't the case.

Here's how the chimes work, for breaking the ships day into 4-hour watches. 8 chimes ("8 bells") is midnight, 4 AM, 8 AM, noon, 4 PM or 8 PM). Then 1/2 hour later (12:30, 4:30, 8:30 etc) is one chime. 1/2 hour later (1:00, 5:00, 9:00 etc) is two chimes. And so on. So 5 chimes could be 6:30 AM and we'd overslept - nope, too dark. I turned on the light and looked at the clock, which for reasons I will probably never know, decided to ring at 2:15 AM. Worse, we'd just had 2 cups of coffee, so it wasn't like either of us could fall back asleep!

I was at my desk ultra-early this morning, but I'm sure it'll be an early night!

Life on a Boat - Trading "Stuff" for Freedom

A few familiar themes in this article about liveaboards. I feel like the queen of the soundbite! Though I joked with our neighbor Ed (also quoted in the article) that the author truncated both the size of Ed's boat - misquoted as 28 feet instead of 38 - and truncated a few of my statements, getting the general point but not the tone. The interview process was interesting in its breadth. I think the writer is used to having the space for longer articles and exploring more complexities of an issue. I get the feel on first read of a ramble without clear focus. But the exciting thing is, I got quoted ... several times.

Just for Fun - Friday Fill-ins

1. I grew up thinking that science and technology was an upward road and life would just keep getting better and better.

2. FaceBook was the last website I was at before coming here.

3. Why don't you stop and think it through?

4. Getting a reality check from Dan helps me relax.

5. Thanks for the great parking spot.

6. I think people who take more than their fair share of anything are very off-putting.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to seeing J&E (and giving them back their dog, who we are dogsitting for) tomorrow my plans include doing the reviews I should have done on Thursday and Sunday, I want to write!

Finished!!

Last night I sent this email to a few friends:

Subject: My last few days have been interesting! And productive! (and a little
strange)

Text: Well, as I promised in my blog, I've been sleeping on my
office floor. I've been waking up between 6 and 7, going downstairs to the
cafeteria for breakfast (high protein and a little carb); then coming back to my
office, locking the door, check my personal email, and writing. I haven't talked
to anyone except for a mandatory teleconference for 1/2 hour on Tuesday, and a 1
hour seminar thisafternoon. Writing nonstop, leaving the office only to use the
bathroom or pick up printouts of successive drafts of the report. Eat a hearty
lunch (protein, veggies, and some fat) and go back to write. I haven't been
hungry for dinner so I've been skipping it. Work till about 9, then spend about
45 minutes on personal hygeine and exercise, then read for a few minutes and
fall asleep. I've spent a total of almost 37 hours actively writing in the past
3 days. Then I utterlyhit the wall, but - its done! Tomorrow, all I have left is
a total of 3 paragraphs making points in 3 different sections and revise the
executive summary to reflect the new organization of the report. Its odd to me
how totally relaxed I feel. It's odd how little creature comfort I *needed* --
c'mon, I'm sleeping on the floor, drinking only water and eating 2 meals a day,
haven't been outside since Monday. But I feel great, incredibly accomplished. In
a weird way it's been cozy and pleasant.I haven't had to think about anything
else BUT this report. My clothing was packed, no decisons what to wear in the
morning. No deciding priorities in the inbox, there was only one thing to work
on. The phone was set to roll to voicemail and I didn't check email. I feel a
little disconnected. But Dan's coming home tomorrow, and so will I. Interesting
experience and I'm glad I had it. But now I'm ready for something else to think
about. Anything!

I got back a bunch of supportive congrats emails and as I pointed out, they shouldn't build me up to be supergirl here - Dan points out that I'm pretty susceptible to working with a deadline ... and trying to finish this before retirement is the ultimate deadline. One friend D. said it sounded as if this was a kind of meditation for me, or a mini-writing retreat, and I told her that a retreat was exactly what it felt like. I learned a few things about my style, too: One is that multitasking and writing just don't work for me - I need to do total immersion if I'm in a writing project like this. I also learned how sensitive I am to biorhythms. The juices started really flowing for me from about 2 or 3 PM till about 7 or 8 PM, that's when I got the really hard parts done. It was lovely to work those hours, and then have no worries about a long drive home after. Just hit the standby key and go to the other side of the room where I had my sleeping pad laid out. Finally, I learned that protein is so much betterfor my brain than carbs. I was never a sugar buzz person, but now I'm questioning even my cup of plain oatmeal for a mid-morning boost.

I looked again at my report and the conclusions seem so obvious now, like anyone should have known that. Also, the anecdotes so relevant, and the organization so logical. I think I need to take a step back from the project, give it a small rest, and then reread it start to finish. Gads, I hope this paper is as good as I think it is. But then, I'm so close to it. I learned so much during this project, about how we as a society use science in making decisions. And yeah, I'm proud of myself!

Down to the Wire

99 days until 9/9/09. I'm cranking HARD on my final report - a study of scientists' impressions, successes, and concerns when linking their science to social policy decisions. When you revise a report, you know that you have to tear it down before you can rebuild. I'm at that awful awful point where it's torn down, lying in metaphorical shards on my desk - the low point. I know it will be better even before I go to sleep tonight but right now ... I hate my reviewers, I hate my audacity in volunteering for this project, I don't believe I'll ever finish ... you get it.

I slept on the office floor last night - that was an interesting experience. Dan was at sea, so there was little point in driving an hour each way to go home to an empty boat. And I have all the creature comforts - a gym with showers, a kitchen, a cafeteria for breakfast and lunch. I locked the door and spread my yoga mat and turned on my incandesent desk lamp and turned off the flourescents and played classical music on my computer. It was quiet and I loved being able to totally focus on my writing. Besides, I like my office, I'll have to take some photos when its not so messy. Sapphire blue carpet, dark wood furniture, lots of my favorite things - a painted tropical fish mobile, arty photos of Arizona on the walls, printed paper under my glass desktop in a mock-African geometric of yellow, blue, red and purple. Lots of bookshelves, and one corner is a diagonal wall, so its more interesting than a square box.

Okay, break time's over - back to writing!!

Traditional Gender Roles?

So Dan's off on a Navy cruise, his crew is another officer (male), 6 male midshipmen and 1 female mid, who he describes as a dynamo. When they were divvying up responisibilities - which midshipman is going to be the navigator, who wants to be the engineer - the young woman said she likes to cook. Dan said she's very very good, treating the crew to meals like ceviched fish, pasta alfredo, stir fry. Quite a welcome change from the usual midshipmen fare, which often seems to consist of pop-tarts and canned stew. So if she likes to do it, and she's good at it, why does it bug me that the *only* woman on the crew is the cook? The Naval Academy is not a liberal arts college, no doubt her major is something like political science or engineering, maybe I'm reading too much into this. Is this generation so truly gender-neutral that she's oblivious to the symbolism and its just a coincidence?
Or am I stuck in the sixties, when I'd sabotage any attempt to get me to do kitchen chores just to rebel against the assumption that that was the girl job? I willingly took out the trash and shoveled snow, I just didn't want to be cast as the automatic choice for housework just because I was the girl.

Bored?

“Only boring people get bored.” My 4-th grade teacher had a proverb or one-liner for any circumstance. “Find something interesting to do, and do it. Make your own fun.” When my brother and I complained of boredom, my mom’s approach would always be, “I have some chores you can do, if you can’t figure out anything else.”

But now, I’m bored. Dan’s at sea and I’m lonely and sickish and the drugs make me sleepy and I don’t do solo well. Lunch of cheese and tofu-turkey sandwiches, dinner of reheated leftovers or ramen noodles. I’m not even motivated to make myself a pot of coffee. I’m working from home and I’ve done all the easy jobs and I don’t have the energy to tackle the hard ones. Spent most of yesterday dozing on and off.

“You can tell a lot about a person, by what he does when he has nothing to do.” I think that’s the grownup version of my 4-th grade teacher’s line. Dan and I have programmed our cellphones to count down to 9/9/09. 103 days left! For a long time, my mental line was, OMG, can’t wait, can’t wait, not soon enough. Now its, OMG, it’s coming up too soon and I’m not ready! When I was 17, the beginning of my freshman year in college, my life stretched before me, wide and green and forever, all the possibilities were open. It was wonderful and rather scary. Now at 54, I have that feeling again. What do I want my future to look like? What will I do with the gift of freedom? I doubt that I'll be "bored" when we take off for the Bahamas by sailboat!